Why would I even need a life coach?
Posted on: 01.07.2018
This is such a good question. I know you are brilliant and clever and amazing, but here is why I think people need life coaches.
Knowing what to do and doing it are not the same thing
Some things are simple, ‘Love yourself first’, ‘Let go of the past’, ‘Stop beating yourself up’. Simple is not the same as easy. Knowing you should stick to a diet if you want to lose weight is not the same as looking at why you feel unsafe and scared to be by yourself and how you can fix that and then not have to eat a cheesecake a night to make yourself feel better. Much like an athlete knows they have to ‘run fast’ to win the race, the coach has new and different technical know how from working with lots of other athletes (and physio’s and nutritionists and sports scientists and other race related folk) and not only that but can time the athlete so they can just focus on running, can cheer for them and tell them where they are doing an awesome job but also where they need to do better. Obviously, you are the athlete in this analogy and the race is your life. And I have tired myself out by simply using a running metaphor too emphatically.
You cannot call yourself on your own stuff
Because you simply cannot see it. No one can. That’s why even coaches need coaches. That’s why even therapists must have therapy. For example, a coach can listen to you and see that despite everything you are saying you are afraid and that’s what is stopping you taking that risk you NEED to take that will ultimately make you happy. Whereas you may have a number of reasons (*cough* excuses *cough*) why you cannot take the risk or a number or clouded beliefs ranging from too harsh ‘I can’t do that, I’m a massive f**k up with stuff like that’ to too wish washy ‘I need to put that on the back burner, it’s not the right time’. Some of these may even be true but some of these will be outdated patterns, old beliefs or just old common or garden denial, fear and low self esteem. No one can clearly see the wood for the trees in their own forest.
Everyone does the best they can do with what they are working with
Your best thinking got you where you are, so you probably need new thinking to get somewhere else. If you are not where you want to be, it’s probably because you need to grow a bit so you have different tools to work with to create a better result. I’m guessing if you could simply have more self belief or stop dating people who are wrong for you, you would have. Growing is hard and it is uncomfortable, that’s why many people don’t do it UNLESS something happens which forces them to change, usually a big life event and/or massive pain. If you want to do things differently than you ever have done before, you need someone to show you how. This may be a therapist or a spiritual leader in some cases, and in some it may be a coach.
Time and effort are valuable commodities
I can go shopping and guess what food stuffs may go well together, I can then go home and experiment with quantities or ratios. I can then cook and try the first batch (something is missing?) then the second (no, that wasn’t what was missing!) and so on and so on. Or I could get a recipe and have a short cut to how to make Coq au Vin or a killer Duck a l’Orange. I might not know all the technical processes but I’m much closer. I could even take a class in French cooking so I know what I’m doing and can have a big old Crepe Suzette any time I want. I need to stop talking about food because it’s making me hungry…my point is, the first way can take forever, the second way will save you so much time, the third way will be even quicker and easier and mean you can learn what you need to and become so good at it that you can create want you want whenever you want with limited hassle and maximum yum. You see what I’m saying.
It works, it makes life better and you are worth it
Everytime I have achieved something in my life that I never thought I could, I needed someone or something to show me a new way. I genuinely believe that sometimes we need someone who has helped other people, who has expertise and knowledge that we don’t ourselves have and clarity no one can have when dealing with themselves.
Even if you could do it on your own, if you could accept some of the things you don’t really want to and white knuckle it through the tough times and through your genuine strength and good intentions and pep talks with friends find a way, SOME WAY, to get by…..why would you want to?
If there is an alternative, if you could have someone there to give you knowledge about how to approach changing the things you don’t want to accept, to listen to you and be there and support you, to celebrate as you win and help you rally and recalibrate when you haven’t gotten there just yet, to help get you where you want to be as easily and painlessly as possible, I think that can be the best gift and the best investment you can give yourself. Then you build on that strength and those intentions and life isn’t like you are raking yourself over hot coals, you can enjoy your time with friends without it turning into a ‘blind-leading-the-blind’ therapy session and your knuckles are a nice flesh colour, no longer white from holding on in terror. It’s the difference between ‘some way, any way, please!’ and ‘ok, let’s do this!’
To be clear, this doesn’t have to be me. I just believe in the power of coaching to help people and wanted to explain why. For the sake of balance, the next blog post will deal with when coaching is not the next right step.
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